Chapter 3: Damaged

Chapter 3: Damaged.

I'm scared and I'm alone
I'm shamed and I need for you to know

I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
Damaged by Plumb

BPOV

“Bella! Wake up!” What? Victoria? Where was she? My back was aching like she had just hit me.

“Bella!” I groaned and one of my eyelids lifted up. Alice, I think her name was, was inches away from my face. I squeaked and jumped backwards, wincing as I landed on my back, right on my bruise. Alice caught my look but luckily she chose to not say anything, instead grabbing my duvet and pulling it off me. I winced as I landed on my back, right on the bruise. It was then that I realised it had been a dream. They were gone. I was here; I had friends of sorts.

“Alice!” I curled into a ball, trying to get the warmth back.

“But Bella, we have to go shopping! Or we won’t have enough time! I just want to let you have some fun.”

“Alice it’s a Saturday! We have all day! The shops won’t close early!”

“So?” Alice’s pout distracted me and she looked so miserable.

“Please Bella?” She looked so miserable, with her puppy dog eyes. I groaned again.

“Fine. Give me a chance to wake up though.”

She squealed and jumped onto my bed.

“Can I choose your clothes? Please, please, please Bella?”

I nodded reluctantly. She squealed again and ran to my newly unpacked wardrobe. She flung open the doors then ran back to me.

“Bella! You need to get up! Go shower!”

I sighed and swung my legs over the side of the bed.

“Uh, where exactly is the shower?” I asked hesitantly. She was back at my wardrobe and flicking through all my clothes at top speed.

“Second door on the right from this room,” she told me, not looking up from my clothes. “Hey, Bella, do you have anything other than long sleeved shirts in here?”

I looked down at the ground, biting my lip.

“Uh no. I don’t wear short sleeves.”

She looked up at my response, something foreign to me in her eyes. Concern I think. Luckily, she once again didn’t mention it and went back to looking at my clothes. I sighed in relief and walked to the door. I picked up a towel that Alice, I guessed, had dumped on my bed.

“Thanks,” I murmured to her holding up the towel.

“Sure sure,” she said, engrossed once more in my terrible wardrobe. I walked out into a deserted corridor and tried to creep quietly along. Of course nothing ever works in my favour. I tripped over the flat floor and let out a loud squeak as I almost fell on my face. I looked up, worrying that I had woken someone. Luckily no one was there. I shook my head and walked into the bathroom, this time managing to make the 10 metres without tripping over. I didn’t realise that my shoulders were still tense from the dream until the hot water ran down my back. I groaned as they relaxed and I rolled my shoulders back gratefully. I washed my hair quickly, not wanting to keep others from getting a shower. As I stepped out I realised I hadn’t brought anything to walk back to my room in. Alice had my clothes. I didn’t fancy the prospect of putting my dirty pyjama’s back on. I looked at the towel and sighed. It wasn’t that far? No one would see me in a towel? Right? I wrapped it around me tightly and gingerly stepped out of the room. I nearly jumped in shock when I saw who was leaning against the wall, smirking that smile that had me at my knees. His gaze undressed me as he looked me up and down and I blushed, just at the look in his eyes. His eyes were lingering at the hem of the towel. I cringed as I realised it didn’t leave much to the imagination. His mouth was slightly open as he looked at me and his eyes wide.

“Sleep well?” I looked up to see him smirking at me again. I blushed redder and looked away from his gaze. In the pit of my stomach I felt a slow build of fear but I pushed it down. Edward wouldn’t hurt me...right?

“It was okay.”

“May I ask, what was with the squeak?” he said with an eyebrow raised slightly, still smirking at me. He knew what he was doing to me. I flustered and clutched my towel around me tighter.

“You heard me?”

He nodded and I groaned.

“I...uh... tripped.”

The corner of his mouth slid up as he smiled, but tried not to laugh. “You do that a lot?” he asked.

I narrowed my eyes, “Yes. What’s it to you?”

He walked up to me slowly until he had me pressed against the wall. He leant his forward until his mouth was at my ear.

“Next time, I’ll catch you,” he whispered, his cool breath making me shiver. He moved backwards slightly and smirked knowingly at me. I blushed and made to go off but he suddenly grabbed my elbow and turned me back to face him. He wasn’t smirking anymore. His face was hard and his eyes dark with anger. I wasn’t afraid of him though. He brought me close to him and his fingers ran over the top of my arm gently. And then I remembered. I went pale and almost sank to the ground. My cuts. They were showing.

“What happened to you, Bella?” he whispered. He lifted my chin so he could search my eyes. I was shaking and whatever he saw in my gaze made him angrier.

“Bella, who the fuck did this to you?” I tore my arm from his and backed away slightly.

“I did this to me,” I managed to stutter out as the tears threatened to spill from my eyes. “Don’t tell a soul,” I pleaded before turning away from him and running to my room. I shut the door and turned round breathing deeply.

“Bella!” Crap, I’d forgotten about Alice. I went to my bed, hoping to hide my scars if I slid under the covers.

“Are you okay?” She looked at my pale face, frowning. I nodded quickly, whilst praying to god that her brother wouldn’t tell anyone. She looked at me suspiciously but once again didn’t take her concern any further. It was like she was afraid of something, like she was treading on eggshells around me. Everyone had been like that. Everyone except Edward. He had treated me normally yesterday, but now he knew part of my secret. He would never want to speak to me again. He could now see the real me, the one who is broken inside, broken so much that it was impossible to piece me back together.

“Anyway, here.” She tossed me a shirt and a pair of jeans. “We need to get you some skirts Bella, and some t-shirts.” I looked down at the jeans in my hand and frowned.

“Alice, these aren’t mine.” She looked sheepishly away from me.

“They are now. I bought them ages ago but they were too long. You’re really skinny so they’ll fit you perfectly. Now just get changed and I’ll be back in 5 minutes to do your hair.” She skipped out the room and I quickly got dressed, though taking time to examine the scars on my arms. The most recent one was still tender. My arm was burning where Edward had touched me but he left no mark on my arm, just on my heart. I threw the shirt over my head at the same time as Alice skipped back into the room.

“Perfect, Bella! But wait; undo a couple of buttons on the shirt.” I did as she asked and Alice clapped her hands together. “Now you’re perfect!” She moved me over to sit on the bed, facing away from the door.

“Are you always this hyper?” I asked her. She nodded and I laughed, something I hadn’t done in a long time. She had brought a hairdryer with her and she plugged it in. Just as she was about to start there was a knock on the door. Alice went over and opened it. To my surprise Edward was standing there. He had a towel round his hips, and his hair was dripping water over his bare chest. My breath caught as I looked at him. Almost immediately I blushed and turned back around. He chuckled lightly before speaking to Alice.

“Bella left her stuff in the bathroom,” he told her.

I turned back around and sure enough, he passed my pyjamas to Alice. She nodded and shut the door before I could say anything. She put them on my bed and came back to the hairdryer, without saying anything, as if the most heart stopping moment of my life hadn’t just happened. As she dried my hair I found myself dreaming of Edward and the possibility that he didn’t find me completely weird and crazy. It was a small possibility but it was there all the same.

“There, I’ve finished!” Half an hour later Alice had finally finished my hair and make-up. I don’t know how some people actually enjoyed getting made up. It was awful. But I could live with it. If it meant I could have friends. And Alice did make me smile. It was good to be able to relax for a change.

“Good, I’m hungry. And I need coffee.” I yawned, proving to her that I was still exhausted. We walked down the stairs together, Alice talking about what she wanted to get me when we went shopping. There was just one problem with her plan. I didn’t have any money. None at all. I was never given pocket money and I wasn’t allowed a job but I’d tell her later. As we were walking into the dining room I caught my foot on the floor and fell forwards. But strong arms caught me before I could hit the floor.

“Told you I would catch you,” a warm voice whispered in my ear. He helped me up, not releasing me from his grip when I was standing. His hands were splayed across my stomach, his fingers wide. I could feel all of him as he pressed me close to him.

“Exactly how often do you fall?” he whispered to me.

“A lot,” I admitted.

“Looks like I’m going to have my work cut out.” I could feel him smile against my neck and I laughed quietly. I moved my head away from his voice and I caught Alice’s gaze. She was smirking and then I realised that the whole room was watching us. I blushed and dropped my head to the floor, my hair covering me and broke away from his grip. I walked over to Alice and she handed me a plate while smiling knowingly at me.

“Thanks,” I muttered whilst grabbing a mug. I wandered over to the coffee machine and looked at it quizzically. I hadn’t a clue how to work this.

“Let me,” said the same warm voice from earlier. Edward worked it quickly and as we waited he looked down at me.

“I won’t tell,” he said quietly and my eyes widened.

“Thank you,” I whispered. He poured me some coffee without another word. He was about to move off but appeared to change his mind.

“Would you like to sit next to me?” I nodded and couldn’t help the smile that my face made. He smiled back at me and put his hand on the small of my back, guiding me to where he sat. We were surrounded by his group. Emmett and Jasper smiled at me but Rosalie ignored me.

“So, Bella, I see you’ve been ‘Aliced’,” Jasper said while Emmett laughed loudly.

“Poor you!” Emmett exclaimed.

Alice slammed her plate down on the table next to me and I jumped slightly. She sat down huffing.

“I’m not that bad. And she enjoyed it, didn’t you, Bella?”

I looked at her pouting and struggled not to laugh.

“Sure I enjoyed it, Alice,” I said sounding fake to my ears and everyone else except Alice apparently. While everyone laughed, and even Rosalie cracked a smile, Alice just gave them looks as if to say ‘I told you so.’ She could be so gullible sometimes. Edward offered me some toast and I took some, after taking a long mouthful of coffee. Emmett and Alice continued to make snipes at each other as we all ate. I was taking a bite of my toast when I looked across the table and saw Lauren glaring at me. “Keep. Away. From. Him.” She mouthed at me. Suddenly I wasn’t so hungry anymore. I put the toast on my plate and folded my arms over my chest. Alice turned to me and raised her eyebrows.

“I thought you were hungry, Bella?”

“I was. I’ve just lost my appetite.” I lowered my head, flicking my hair down. I chanced a glance at Lauren but looked away quickly.

“Bella,” Edward whispered into my ear. His hand brushed my hair back, once again his fingers leaving a burning trail. “Please don’t hide.” I looked at him and he met my gaze. I tried to convey through my eyes what I thought. That he would leave when he got too close, when he saw how broken I truly was. He lifted his fingers again and brushed them against my cheek.

“I’m not going anywhere, Bella,” he murmured softly. I breathed in sharply. How did he know what to say to me? But then, he hadn’t seen right inside me yet. He didn’t know everything yet. He hadn’t seen the mess I was. He would leave, despite saying that. I knew he would. Everyone always left.

Someone scraped their chair noisily against the floor and our gaze broke as we turned to look. Everyone was looking at us with their mouths agape. Lauren was standing glaring at me. She was the one who moved had her chair. Jessica and Mike stood up as well and they left the room together, Mike turning and winking at me. I shuddered in horror while Edward narrowed his eyes and I felt him shake slightly next to me.

“Bella, are you ready to go, dear?” Esme broke the silence and I nodded standing. Alice jumped up as well.

“Let’s go!” She grabbed me and practically ran out the room. I turned back to face everyone in the room.

“Help?” They all broke into laughter and Alice glared at me before pulling me to get my coat.

“We haven’t got much time, Bella!”

“Alice, we have all day.”

“Yes but, Bella, we have a lot of shops to go to!”

“As far as I’m aware we have one shop to go to, Alice,” Esme said as she led us to the car.

“Esme! Please! We have to take her clothes shopping! Please, please, please?” I tried not to laugh at Alice’s pleading. “Bella’s never been shopping properly before!” The feeling of wholeness left me then. It was embarrassing, having to say I’d never been shopping.

“Fine, Alice, but do not wear poor Bella down. The minute I see her tired or not enjoying herself we’re going home okay?” Alice nodded wildly. Esme laughed slightly while I wrapped my arms around my body. My worries about money were coming back. I couldn’t pay for what Alice would no doubt want me to buy. How could I tell her? Do I just say it? Yes, I’ll just say it. I took a deep breath.

“Alice?” She twisted round from the seat in the front to look at me.

“Yes, Bella?”

“I...uh...I...um I...don’t have...any money.” It was Esme who answered.

“Bella, we have a fund for people who are settling down with us with financial difficulty. I’m sure I could delve into that for some clothes.” She winked at me through the mirror. I felt my eyes go wide in shock.

“But I can’t let you do that! I’m sure there are others who need it much more than me.”

“Bella, its fine. We want to give you this. It’s about time something good happened to you.” She muttered this last line under her breath but I still heard. My face reddened and I looked down. What did she mean by that? What did she know? I believed Edward when he told me he wouldn’t tell, but where did she get that line from? Did Carlisle tell her my strange behaviour from yesterday? He must have. My cheeks grew even redder. Why did I have to be the strange one?

“We’re here!” Alice screamed from the front breaking me out of my reverie.

“Already?” I asked, amazed.

“We all like to drive fast,” Alice explained as she jumped out the car. Esme and I managed to get out more calmly.

“Alice! ALICE!” Alice turned back to us, frowning.

“We’re not at the mall,” she whispered, her head drooping.

“That’s because we need to get paint and things like that first! Then you can take Bella shopping and do whatever you like.”

We were looking at paint when Alice came running up to us after going off somewhere.

“Bella! Oh my God, you have to see this wallpaper! It’s so cool!” Esme looked and me and motioned for me to follow Alice. She was in the next isle holding a roll of the most amazing wallpaper ever. It was making me dizzy to look at, but it was so amazingly cool! It had purple and orange and black and white hexagons in circles! It was crazy and I loved it.

“That is amazing, Alice!” She looked at me smugly.

“I told you I was good.”

“You could do one wall that, and just leave the others white.” I nodded in agreement. “And then we can get you purple pillows, and a rug!” Alice clapped her hands together in excitement. Esme rolled her eyes at her daughter’s behaviour and made her way towards the till.

“Alice, come on. We’ll get pillows at the mall,” Esme announced.

Alice grinned in delight and ran after Esme. I still thought it was really weird that they didn’t call their parents mum and dad. I made a note to ask them about that later. I followed after them at a slower pace.

“Bella! Hurry UP!” Alice shouted exasperated at my slow pace. I moved even slower and laughed at the glare she gave me. She stomped out the store as I reached Esme at the till.

“Sorry about Alice, Bella. She tends to get very worked up about shopping and fashion. She’s a smart girl really. Except when it comes to shopping. Ask her about the Brontë sisters and you would be amazed.”

“No, no! It’s okay. Really, I think it’s kind of funny.”

Alice was standing by the side of the car, with her arms folded and pouting. When we reached her she didn’t say anything, just looked away and climbed in. I stifled a giggle but I think she heard me. We reached the mall in 5 minutes, after going through mountains of traffic and paying a fortune on parking. Alice chirped up and turned around to face me.

“So, Bella, I have a list for what we need to get.” And to my astonishment she took out a long list from her pocket and began to read from it.

“Pillows obviously, and other things for your room, some skirts, a few dresses, some smarter outfits, high heels, underwear, accessories, make-up—”

“Alice! Stop! You’ll scare her off!” Esme stopped her mid flow. “Listen, you will not get anything that Bella does not want, do you understand?” Alice nodded meekly then smiled brightly when Esme handed her a gold credit card. She jumped out of the car and Esme and I followed suit.

“I have to go do the food shopping and get some other things for people. It’s Elizabeth’s birthday next week. Anyway I’ll meet you two at the car in 4 hours okay? No later, Alice.” Alice nodded then grabbed my arm and pulled me to the lift.

From then on I managed to block out most of it. She dragged me through numerous shops and had me trying on the most ridiculous outfits. Including cocktail dresses! When am I ever going to wear one? Unfortunately, when I asked that question she came up with an answer.

“Elizabeth is having a party of sorts.” Luckily, I managed to find a short cardigan that she approved of so my secret was still safe. For now anyway. We were eating lunch when she brought up the inevitable.

“So, Edward?” she asked casually.

I choked on my sandwich and took a gulp of my coke. I looked up at her, my cheeks red, and tried to answer as nonchalantly as possible.

“What about him?”

She smirked at me. “You two seem to get on well.”

“We do,” I answered, trying to keep my face as calm as possible. She frowned.

“He likes you, you know.”

I choked again and this time it took longer for me to recover. Did she just say he likes me? She laughed at my response.

“What are we? Second grade? And he doesn’t, Alice. He’s just being friendly,” I told her, my voice low. She whistled.

“No, no, no. Edward doesn’t do friendly with the new kids. He hates them. He doesn’t do the talking thing and he definitely doesn’t catch them when they fall and continue to hold them. Nor does he walk up to their room in a towel! And he looks at you differently. And look what he did yesterday with Mike? He likes you!” She sang the last line and I glared at her.

“Alice, be quiet! People are looking at us.”

She settled down but continued to bother me for details.

“You like him too.”

“I know,” I admitted. What the hell? Did I just tell her that I liked her brother? Damn it. How could I like him though? All the others scared me! But Edward...he was...different. I felt...safe with him.

She smiled smugly at me.

“I know you do. You have this weird electricity whenever you’re near each other.”

“Alice, you cannot possibly know that. We’ve been a room together twice.”

She shrugged her shoulders.

“It’s true. He likes you, Bella,” she said. I sighed.

“Alice, he does not. Now can we please change the subject?” Thankfully she agreed and soon we were off for another 2 hours of torture. I’m not even sure what she bought. I just went along with it. She tried to get me into a t-shirt but I politely refused, while secretly fighting off the demons that were threatening to consume me after that small reminder of what I was.

What I am.

*****

Finally. We were back at the car. My arms were practically dropping off with the weight of the bags. Esme was there waiting. We had to put our bags in the back next to me because there was no room in the boot. I was pretty sure Alice had just bankrupted her mother. Alice reluctantly gave Esme the card back. She played some music and I closed my eyes. When I opened them again we were back at the home. I got out and Alice and I dragged our bags upstairs, where I collapsed on my bed. She sat down next to me. “See? Shopping is fun.”

I grunted in response to her absurd statement. Fun wasn’t the word I would use. I sat up again.

“What do we do now though?” I asked.

“We usually just muck around. Come on, let’s go find everyone else.” She led me out of the room and we went along the hallway and into another room.

“Wow! Bella survived!” Emmett cheered from the bed. Rosalie was leaning against him looking bored while Jasper was sitting on the couch. Alice ran to him and hugged him while I stood awkwardly in the doorway.

“Bella.” His voice brought me spinning round and there he was. Edward was standing behind me, holding some drinks. I quickly moved to the side to let him through. He dumped the cans on the bed and motioned for me to come sit next to him. We sat down on the floor and he pulled me onto his lap. My eyes widened.

“It’s comfier,” he told me in reply to my questioning look. I blushed as he wrapped his arms around me. I saw Alice give me a knowing smile from across the room and I fought the urge to glare at her. He didn’t like me. He couldn’t like me. I was broken. Nobody wanted something broken. He was being polite. That was all. Despite repeating this in my mind, I laid my head on his shoulder and breathed him in. This could be the only time I got to be close to him. He started playing with my hair and I ended up being completely distracted from the conversation. All I could think about was Edward and how close he was to me. I felt myself getting sleepy so I jumped out and went out the door mumbling something about the toilet. I washed my hands and splashed cold water over my face. That woke me up. I stared at myself in the mirror and tried to see something good. But I couldn’t. There was no reason at all for Edward to like me. Rosalie was gorgeous, Alice was exceptionally cute and even Jessica and Lauren were pretty in a slutty kind of way. I was just bland. Bland and boring. Nothing special. I knew that. I’d had that yelled into me since I was 5. I shook my head to get rid of the memories invading me and walked out of the room.

“Bella?” Mike was there when I got out. He ran his hand through his hair, trying to be sexy, but honestly, it just made me want to puke.

“Yes?” I said impatiently. My breathing had quickened up with reminders of him from yesterday. The slight terror was underneath the surface, but was still there. He walked towards me and I backed down the corridor. He didn’t get the message but kept walking towards me. His steps were bigger than mine and he quickly caught up. My feet froze and I tried to call for somebody but my mouth wouldn’t make any sound. He leered at me, reminding me of James. I knew I was shaking but Mike didn’t notice. He just kept walking and walking until we were pressed against the wall.

“I knew you liked me, Bella.” And then he kissed me. When his lips pressed against mine a scream filled the hallway. It was only when Mike backed away looking at me in confusion that I realised it was me. Except it wasn’t Mike that was walking away it was James. I looked around. NO! They were everywhere. I could see them everyone, running out of every room. James and Victoria, everywhere. One of them walked towards me but I shrank back. I ran, half blinded by my tears into the one room where nobody was. My room. I ran to my drawer, throwing the clothes onto the ground. I threw off my shirt and picked up the knife. I gasped when the knife cut down deep. And then my head started ringing. The ringing mixed with my sobs and then someone was in my room. I caught sight of bronze hair and green eyes but I couldn’t get past my pounding headache. I moved away from him, terrified he would be like James. He came over to me and grabbed the hand with the knife in it.

“Drop the knife Bella. Please.” His eyes bored into mine and I felt consumed. I let go and collapsed onto the floor. He caught me and held me up while he pressed something to my bleeding arm. He looked into my eyes the whole time.

“Bella, I’m here. You’re safe. No one is going to hurt you.” And I believed him. But then the pain in my head multiplied again, and again and again until I was struggling to keep my eyes open.

“Edward?” I whispered, my throat working overtime to help me speak.

“What?” Concern loaded his eyes and they filled with pain at my face.

“What is it Bella?”

“Edward,” I groaned as the pain increased. And then it was over.

“EDWARD!” I shrieked, a high pitched, pain filled cry that filled the whole house, as my world faded into darkness.

******
A/N

Thank you for reading. (Yes, it’s not Monday. I’m the idiot who didn’t realize when Monday was.)

I am sorry if Alice appears Juvenile, she is just trying to help Bella settle in and make her feel comfortable.

Chapter 2: Breathe

Chapter 2:Breathe



'Cause I can feel you breathe
It's washing over me
Suddenly I'm melting into you
There's nothing left to prove
Baby all we need is just to be’
Breathe by Faith Hill


BPOV

“Hey, Isabella. I’m Elizabeth Masen, and I’m in charge of Teen Hope Home.” Elizabeth stuck out her hand and I nervously shook it. She couldn’t hurt me, right?

“It’s Bella, actually.” She smiled in understanding.

“Welcome to Teen Hope. We’re part of the organisation that has a site just above Seattle. Our house here however, is more of a permanent home to teenagers who run away, or whose parents are no longer able to take care of them, as in your case.”

They couldn’t take care of me? You have got to be kidding me. They didn’t fucking want me! They were dumping me, after ripping me apart so I would never be whole again.


“I hear that your parents are moving across to Europe. Maybe we can pay for you to go stay with them for a while during the summer.”

Europe? They were moving to Europe? They hadn’t mentioned a word. Was that what they were just telling the care home? So they seemed less evil? I wanted to sit down and cry.

“My husband, Edward Mason, is our ‘chef’ in a very loose sense of the word.” A tall man with dark hair waved from the corner of the room where he stood. I lifted my hand up in a quick gesture but looked down at the ground quickly, sweeping my hair forward to hide me from everyone.

“This is Carlisle Cullen, he helps me with the running of this place. He’s also our first aider.” Carlisle was blonde and pale. He smiled at me kindly from where he stood.

“And this is Renee Dwyer. She will be your social worker.” The woman moved forward and shook hands with me and then Victoria and James.

“Oh! I almost forgot. Esme Cullen is getting the young people ready to meet you, making them look vaguely presentable, you know?” I smiled slightly again, though I kept my eyes to the floor. “Now, Bella, would you be okay with Carlisle showing you your room while I have a talk with your parents?”

Yes I had a problem. I couldn’t be alone with him. What if he was like James? I looked up at him and he was smiling. Someone who looked so nice couldn’t be like him, could he? I nodded blindly and let fate take its course. I went over to my suitcases and started to pick them up, but Carlisle stopped me.

“Don’t do that Bella, I’ll get them.”I nodded then quickly glanced at my parents; Victoria narrowed her eyes slightly, but I knew I was the only person who would notice. Carlisle picked them up and left the room. I followed behind, making sure to keep some distance between us. He led me up a flight of stairs and along a corridor. I counted three doors on either side before he stopped. He pushed the door on the left and motioned for me to go in. I walked in, making sure not to get anywhere near him. There was a bed against the opposite wall, a wardrobe, a chest of drawers and a mirror. The carpet and the walls were white. It looked much cleaner than where I stayed before. But sterile. It looked like a hospital. That scared me.

“Esme, and no doubt Alice, will take you shopping tomorrow to choose paint and stuff.” He put the suitcases down and turned back to me.

“Who’s Alice?”

“She’s one of our young people. She’s a shopping addict.” For the third time that day I smiled nervously and looked back at the floor.

“Bella, are you okay?” I looked up to see Carlisle walking towards me. I started panicking, and my breath hitched. I backed away and felt my back hit the wall. Carlisle kept walking till he was right in front of me. He’s going to hit me. No! I thought I would get away! Please! I couldn’t believe this was happening. I thought that by moving here I would leave this behind.

“Bella, I won’t hurt you,” he whispered. He sounded sincere but I couldn’t be sure. I could never be sure anymore.

“You don’t know that.” I looked him straight in the eye and he seemed to back off.

“Come on. Let’s go back down.” He went ahead of me, seeming to realise that I didn’t like him near me. It wasn’t that I couldn’t be near him, I was just too scared of him being another James. I couldn’t trust him.

When we were back outside Elizabeth’s office, Carlisle knocked on the door.

“Come on in you two,” Elizabeth called. I walked in behind Carlisle and flinched when I saw Victoria. She mouthed the word ‘slut’ at me and I quickly looked back at the ground. They couldn’t do anything to me here, could they? I tried to wipe my face of all emotion, knowing my terror would attract attention. And it did.

“You okay, Bella?” Carlisle looked at me sideways and I nodded quickly, making my face even blanker.

“I’m fine!” I said slightly too fast and high pitched.

“Bella! Apologise to Mr. Cullen now. That was a disgraceful tone. We may let you off with that at home but not somewhere else,” Victoria scolded me, her voice hissing into my ears. My chin dropped to my chest as I felt my cheeks heat up. She had to have a go at me, and now everyone here would hate me.

“Sorry, Carlisle,” I whispered so quietly they would have had to strain their ears to hear me. I moved my hair to cover my embarrassment and to hide the tears that filled my eyes.

“Bella! It’s Mr. Cullen to you.” My cheeks grew redder, and Carlisle looked sideways at me and then at Victoria. Then he folded his arms and glared at Victoria.

“And it’s Dr. Cullen to you!” Carlisle said to her. I almost laughed when I saw her face. She was completely horrified.

“S...s...sorry D...Dr Cullen,” Victoria managed to stammer out. Carlisle looked at me again and winked slyly. I gave him a small smile but quickly went back to my hiding place behind my hair. Elizabeth coughed and stood up.

“Anyway, you can say your goodbyes and then Bella can meet everyone who lives here and get a tour of the house. Would you like a minute alone?” She seemed to ask this cautiously, as if already aware of a discord within her family but without knowing enough to intervene.

Victoria jumped in immediately.

“Yes please! That would be lovely.” Elizabeth stood up, as did the others still in the room. Carlisle looked back at me and hesitated in the doorway before a sharp tug from someone pulled him outside.

Victoria and James stood up and beckoned me to them. Victoria put her hand on my shoulder and dug her nails in. I tried to get away from her grip, but she was holding too tight.

“Good riddance, Bella. One day I will get you again, do you understand? You’re not free.” She narrowed her eyes at me and went to the door to wait for James.

“Bella, I swear to God if you tell anyone what happened I will kill you, and anyone who gets in the way,” he said in a low voice. He brought his hand up and caressed my cheek. I flinched away and let out a whimper, trembling. He glared at me and brought his hand up to hit me properly, but Victoria grabbed his fist.

“You can’t, you idiot! Not here!” He released his grip on my cheek, growling loudly. I was still trembling when they gave me one last look before stalking to the door. I followed after them, trying to stop shaking, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t safe. They would come back and I couldn’t even tell anyone. If I did they would kill me. I went out the door and Carlisle was looking at me strangely. He knew what had just happened. He must have heard me whimper. I went pale and dropped my eyes to the floor again, begging him silently not to say anything. Elizabeth led them to the door and then they were gone. Renee left as well.

“I’ll be back soon, Bella!” she said before following James and Victoria out the house.

Carlisle and Elizabeth led me along the corridor while Edward went along to what I assumed was the kitchen. They took me to a large living room. I looked around in interest, seeing portraits on the walls, obviously drawn by someone here. The room was a warm yellow and was very bright. I quickly dropped my eyes to the floor in case someone noticed me gawking. I raised my eyes slightly more to see some people my age standing across the room. There were 8 of them. A beautiful woman was coming across the room towards me and held out her arms to hug me. She had a brilliant smile and light brown wavy hair; this must be Esme.

“Hey, Isabella! I’m Esme.” She smiled warmly at me, and I couldn’t help but smile back. For the first time in months I felt lighter, like the weight from my shoulders had lifted slightly, all because one person had smiled properly at me. I moved my eyes back to the people across from me. They seemed to be in two separate groups.

“It’s Bella.”

“Sorry.” She smiled at me, and I smiled back nervously.

A tiny girl with short spiky hair stepped forward first and ran to hug me. I giggled slightly at her over-the-top manner.

“I’m Alice, and you and I are going shopping tomorrow! Please tell me you like shopping?” She said all of this so quick that I could barely understand her.

“Um, I’ve never really been.” I looked back at the ground, my smile sliding quickly from my face. Victoria had never allowed me to go shopping. I wasn’t allowed anything that I wanted, she would buy me all my clothes. Luckily she bought long sleeved, unrevealing tops. I chanced a look back up at Alice. She looked...surprised?

“You’ve never been shopping?” she said slowly, pronouncing each syllable. I shook my head and let my hair fall back over my face.

“Why not?” There is was, the question I didn’t want to answer.

“Um, I...I just haven’t.” I looked up again, and she was smiling.

“I can show you everything then!” she squealed. Okay, Alice seemed extremely hyper and it seemed to be having a slight affect on me. I smiled at her, and she smiled back. She reached back and pulled a blonde curly haired guy forward.

“This is Jasper.” He smiled at me and lifted his hand up. I flinched backwards slightly, terrified he was going to slap me but he just wanted to shake my hand. My cheeks went red as I took his hand.

“Sorry,” I muttered quietly, looking back at the ground. His grip was too tight around my hand and I shook a little before tearing my hand away and gripping both of mine together. I tried to tell myself that he wasn’t going to do anything to me. His face was friendly and he seemed to have an aura of calm about him. I relaxed minutely when I looked at his apologetic face. Only minutely though. I still wasn’t safe.

“You don’t know what you’ve gotten yourself into, Bella. After tomorrow, believe me, you will never want to shop again,” he drawled in a Texan accent, trying to put me at ease. I smiled slightly, but my muscles were tense and I probably ended up grimacing more than anything else. The other three people who were in Alice and Jasper’s group of sorts came over to us.

“Rosalie.” A stunning blonde girl raised her hand before glaring in the opposite direction. Great. I’d made an enemy already. The boy, or maybe man, standing next to her however was what had my attention. He was so tall and looked freakily scary. My fingers twisted together as my mind fought to give me some confidence.

Don’t run away, Bella. Don’t. Just act calmly.

“Hey! I’m Emmett,” the guy said. He smiled cheekily at me, and my fears dissipated quickly. I couldn’t be scared of someone who smiled like that. He had a similar smile to Alice-you just had to smile back! Someone to the side of Emmett cleared their throat and my gaze moved to the person there. My breath caught in my throat as I looked at him. He had golden brown hair, except it wasn’t brown, it had hints of red in it. It fell sexily into his eyes. His dark green piercing eyes. Looking at them I felt like he already knew everything about me, he was looking into my soul. My eyes blatantly trailed down his body. He was wearing a black shirt with the sleeves rolled up showing his strong forearms. My fingers twitched as they tried to reach out to touch this god, just to check he was real. But my mind shied away from him. Someone so good could only do something horrible. He would hurt me, wouldn’t he? I met his gaze again and he smiled crookedly at me. My knees almost gave way beneath me with the unknown emotions that ran through my body. He reached out and took my hand, shaking it gently, trying not to scare me. My heart started beating faster and I fought to stay in control of my terror. Somehow, I knew then from gazing into his eyes, that this person could not hurt me.

His skin against my own was slightly rough, but silky smooth as well. His grip was warm and my body didn’t want me to let go. He smiled at me.

“I’m Edward, Edward Cullen.” Did that mean that Carlisle and Esme who worked here were his parents? I didn’t dwell on that fact too long, his eyes were all consuming and demanded all my attention. He took my breath away. He still held onto my hand and something weird was flowing between us. I wondered vaguely if he felt it too, but someone coughed and my shield was back up. I dropped his hand and moved backwards. We had gotten closer to each other during the few seconds, though it felt like hours. My eyes fell to the floor again and my hair fell over my face. Suddenly I felt someone’s hand on my cheek and I took a sharp intake of breath. Please don’t hurt me, I thought. I looked up and Edward had his hand out. He tucked my hair behind my ear and brushed his fingers along my cheek. But the feeling didn’t make me want to run away. Now I knew it was him, I felt...safe. There was something I didn’t understand that ran from me into him. I wanted more of it.

“Don’t hide, Bella,” he whispered. His voice. It was like god damned velvet. When he spoke my name, it was like honey falling from his lips.

“Well sorry to break up this lovely gathering!” A cold voice broke me out of my reverie. I looked to Edward’s right. The other ‘group’ was standing there. A blonde at the front had her arms crossed and was glaring at me. Okay make that total of enemy’s up to two.

“I’m Lauren.” She came forward to give me a hug. A fake hug. She dug her fingers into my shoulders and whispered in my ear.

“Edward Cullen is mine.” I could feel my shield growing stronger; my shield that I hid behind, not letting anybody close enough to see the true me; the shield that closed off my life to my eyes. My shield protected me from all the hurt out there. Behind my shield, I didn’t live. I was just there. My eyes were becoming dark and hollow again, and I couldn’t smile; I couldn’t try and put on a face for everybody else. This girl didn’t know what she had just done to me. I was well acquainted with nails, mainly Victoria’s. I found myself wishing that this Lauren had to go through what I had. She would never hurt anyone then.

“Jessica.” A bored looking girl waved her hand from where she was. The last person was a guy. He had spiked up blonde hair and was leering at me. My eyes grew wide as he came towards me.

“I’m Mike.” He put his arm round my shoulder and slapped me on the back. I jumped away from him, my eyes filling with tears. I moved backwards until there was a least two metres between us. He had hit me. I stood shaking while the Mike looked at me like I was crazy. I looked around, and everyone else was looking at me with the same expression. Except Edward. He looked at me with concern, which then turned to anger as he turned to Mike. Mike started walking towards me with his hand outstretched. I backed up more until I hit the wall. My breath caught in my throat as I realised I had nowhere to run to. But then Edward stepped in front of me, blocking Mike from getting to me.

“Leave her alone you asshole, can’t you see she’s fucking scared of you?” he growled in a low voice. I let out a breath when I realised I was safe from him.

“I just wanted to apologise,” he retorted. Edward gave him a shove on the shoulder.

“Well don’t, okay?” His eyes were like daggers, stabbing at Mike when he looked at him. Mike held up his hands in defeat and walked over to his entourage. Everyone looked back at me and my cheeks grew hot. I realised my hands were still clenched in fists. I released them, taking a deep breath and looking at the ground.

“Bella, are you okay?” I looked up and Edward was standing right in front of me. I looked into his eyes and nodded slowly.

“Sorry.” My voice came out quieter, and I reddened again. How much attention did I need to bring to myself? He brushed my hair out of my face and neither of us spoke. I was speechless as I looked at him.

And then it all ended. My head was on fire all of a sudden. Nothing caused it; it was just there. I couldn’t breathe. It was so sore. I could hear myself screaming in pain but I couldn’t stop the inhumane noise I was making. My hands were on my head, my eyes scrunched up. The pain was going to kill me. My body twisted and my knees gave way. The room went black before I hit the floor.

EPOV

“Edward, you have to get up! A new girl is arriving today, and the place needs to be looking good! Get up!” I groaned and flung the covers off me.

“I’m up Mom!” My mum was Esme Cullen. Both her and my Dad worked and lived here at Teen Hope Care Home. That meant I had to stay here too. Me and my sister Alice. Alice liked it more than I did. This place was a fucking hole. Most of the people who came here were strange. Lauren for one. She had a fucking obsession with me, and it was getting over the top. No doubt the girl arriving would be just as weird. Every once in a while someone decent would come along. Jasper, Alice’s boyfriend for one, as well as Emmett and Rosalie, a couple my mum had found on the street. We were the permanent group that had lived here for years and weren’t planning on leaving anytime soon. I knew though that Carlisle and Esme had other plans. They were planning on buying us a house. A big one, so that when Alice turned 18 she could come and join us too.

The others kids came and went. There were three of them at the moment: Lauren, Jessica and Mike. Soon to be four. The five of us had grown up together. Esme and Carlisle were the only parents they had ever known. They didn’t want to leave. I think my parents were even thinking of adopting them, but I know nothing so that could be rubbish. I threw some jeans and a t-shirt on and was just two steps out my room when my sister came and marched me straight back.

“Fuck off Alice, I don’t need your help. I’m dressed fine.” She glared at me and carried on looking through my wardrobe.

“Here,” she said curtly, throwing me a shirt.

“Alice,” I groaned, “You know I hate fucking shirts!”

“Yes, but Mom wants you to wear one.” I shook my head at her.

“Tut tut, Alice. It’s Esme and Carlisle here, you should know that by now!” I snorted. Apparently if we called them mum and dad it would make the other fuckers feel like shit. Like I cared. She glared at me and walked out the room. I sighed and put the shirt on, knowing it wasn’t worth a fight. I dragged my ass downstairs and sat at the table across from Jasper. He nodded at me.

“You been Aliced I see?”

I grunted in reply.

“Have you?” He nodded. I shook my head as our topic of conversation came into the room wearing a dress. Fuck, it was like bloody Angelina Jolie was coming. I still didn’t understand why we had to dress up. I mean I don’t think the girl will care much. It will be some fake chick who will no doubt try and do a Lauren with me. Speaking of which, Lauren came through the door. Her eyes lit up as she eyes the seat beside me.

“Shit,” I muttered. Jasper laughed under his breath.

“Morning, Edward,” she said in a low ‘I think I am so sexy but really I sound like a whore with a dick in my fucking throat’ voice. I hate that shit. I grunted in reply. As I was reaching across to get some toast she put her hand on my thigh, extremely close to my goods. I jumped up.

“Will you keep your fucking hands off me?”

“Edward,” Esme warned. I almost groaned. Blah blah blah, watch your language. Easy for her to say, she wasn’t the one getting felt up by a blonde slut. Oh no, you have Doctor Carlisle to do that. I sat back down and glared at Lauren. She got the message and turned round to face Jessica. I sighed and once again reached for some toast. Emmett patted me on the back in understanding. I glared at him and he laughed.

“Calm down, Eddie boy.”

“Do not call me Eddie,” I said through gritted teeth. He raised his hands, the picture of innocence. I grabbed my mug of coffee and swigged it down. Fuck, that felt better.

“Right everyone listen up. Isabella Swan will be arriving at about two. The house has to be clean by then. Alice, she’ll be staying on your floor so can you, you know, ‘befriend’ her of sorts.” Alice nodded, looking excited. She loved it when new people came. I couldn’t care less about this Isabella.

“Lauren, Jessica, and Mike, I want you three to tidy the living room. And I mean tidy. Nothing is to be on the floor. Alice and Rosalie, do you two want to do in here and the kitchen? Emmett, you can do the toilets, and Jasper and Edward I want you two to vacuum. Edward, do downstairs, Jasper, do the stairs and your corridor, including the room Isabella will sleep in. Once you’ve finished eating get started immediately. And I want you in here for lunch at one.”

Emmett groaned.

“How come I have the worst job? It’s not fair.” Nobody replied. I couldn’t be bothered to do anything for one stupid girl. What was so special about her? She was just another kid who was being forced to come here. Having been here so many years, I had lost my sympathy for the people who come. Almost all of the time, they could have fixed their lives by themselves. That’s why they leave almost immediately.

When everyone else started getting up, Jasper and I stayed put while Alice and Rose stood up to start the dishes.

“So, what do you think Swan will be like?” I grunted again. I didn’t care what she’s like.

“You know, Edward, you better not be mean to her. She’s going to be my friend. I’m going to take her shopping,” Alice warned me.

“You know, if you want her to be your friend babe, maybe taking her shopping isn’t the greatest idea.” I laughed at Jasper and nodded in agreement. She hit him with a tea towel. Jasper grabbed her and pulled her onto his lap, kissing her.

“Get a fucking room.”

I stood up when they didn’t stop. “I guess I’ll leave then.”

***

My hands and legs were fucking killing me. Hovering is harder than it looks. It fucking hurts! I slumped onto the sofa when I finished. Lauren came and sat next to me. I groaned and stood up, desperate to get away from her. I quickly left the room and went to the dining room. I sat between Emmett and Jasper so that when Lauren came she couldn’t sit next to me. Smart thinking, Cullen. By half past one, Esme was panicking.

“Edward, hurry up! We need to get it tidied up in here!” I smirked and deliberately started eating slower. She glowered at me, so I sighed and stuffed the rest of the sandwich into my mouth.

“Now, everyone get into the living room. I will do these dishes and then come to make sure you all look okay.” Alice grabbed me from the chair and pushed me to the living room.

“You better be nice, Edward Cullen.” I nodded in agreement. But if she was a bitch, then I wasn’t promising anything. Alice glared at me some more before turning to Jasper. Rosalie was complaining to Emmett about having to get everything ready for this new person. She agreed with me, which was fucking amazing! We didn’t agree on anything. Esme rushed in then.

“Everyone Isabella had arrived! She’s slightly early.” She looked around the room and her gaze fell on me.

“Edward, be nice.”

“Why is everyone picking on me?” I asked her indignantly. Okay, I knew why they were picking on me. I was the ‘bad guy’ of the house. What that really meant was that I didn’t put up with any shit.

“We’re not picking.”

I nodded sarcastically. She sighed and gave up.

“Just behave. That means everyone.”

And then they walked in. And so the show begins, I thought. But then I saw her. She was an angel. I stopped breathing when I saw her. She was beautiful. Her brown hair fell across her face as a cover as she looked at the ground. She looked up when Esme hugged her and I saw her eyes. Holy fuck. Her eyes were deep brown. But they were so sad. They called to me and I felt myself drowning, and she hadn’t even looked at me. She looked so hollow, but there was something in her eyes. Fear.

“Hey, Isabella! I’m Esme,” Esme said when she hugged her, and I saw her smile. She lit up the room. Her eyes seemed to sparkle, yet something still lurked beneath the surface.

“It’s Bella.” I smiled. Bella suited her better.

“Sorry.” Esme apologised to her. Then Alice practically attacked her. I heard her giggle slightly and I swear my heart almost stopped at such a beautiful sound.

“I’m Alice, and you and I are going shopping tomorrow! Please tell me you like shopping? We can have some girl bonding time.” Bella looked overwhelmed and I struggled not to laugh. But her face fell slightly, and I frowned. Why was she so upset?

“Um, I’ve never really been.” There was something more to it though. What the hell had happened to her? Why the fuck was she so scared? Why? Why? Why?

“Why not?” Alice jumped in.

“Um, I...I just haven’t.” I saw something flash in her eyes, but I couldn’t work it out. All I knew was that she was scared, and I would do anything to protect her. And I hadn’t even fucking met her.

“I can show you everything then!” Alice practically burst my eardrums when she squealed. Poor Bella didn’t know what she had gotten in to. Alice reached back and pulled Jasper to her.

“This is Jasper.” You know he does have a mouth Alice! Jasper reached out with his hand, and I saw terror flash over Bella’s face as she flinched backwards slightly. I narrowed my eyes. Who the hell had fucked her up so badly?

“Sorry.” Bella’s cheeks went red and she used her hair as a shield again. She shook Jasper’s hand, but I noticed she was shaking slightly. And then she pulled her hand back and clasped them both together, as if scared that someone would touch them again.

“You don’t know what you’ve gotten yourself into, Bella. After tomorrow, believe me you will never want to shop again.” Bella smiled slightly but, her eyes didn’t light up like before. Her smile was tense. It wasn’t real. When Rosalie and Emmett walked over, I did too. I had to get closer to her.

“Rosalie.” I saw Bella’s face flush and her hands twist. Rosalie was being her usual bitchy self. I fought the urge to growl at her.

“Hey! I’m Emmett.” He smiled at her. At first she seemed terrified when she looked at him but after he smiled she relaxed again and smiled back. A proper smile this time. Emmett made people smile like that. And then she looked at me. Finally. Her eyes blatantly undressed me as she looked me up and down. She finally looked back at my face and I was able to see her gorgeous face. Her eyes were beautiful. She had full red lips, which were just begging for me to kiss them. Her skin was pale and looked smooth. I wanted so much to touch her. I smiled at her and she swayed slightly. Forgetting that she hated it when Jasper shook her hand I reached out to grasp hers, but she met me in the middle. Yes, Edward fucking Cullen was being a gentleman. I was actually fucking shaking her hand. I heard her breath hitch when our skin touched. Unconsciously we had been moving closer together. I could smell her sweet scent. I just wanted to bury my nose in her hair. She was a goddess. I tried not to snort when I realised I hadn’t even told her my name yet.

“I’m Edward, Edward Cullen.” I could see the wheels turning in her head as she made the connection between my parents and I. Then dear old mother had to ruin it. She coughed and Bella went red again. She dropped my hand and moved backward. She looked at the ground again and her hair fell forwards, hiding her beautiful face. I couldn’t stop myself. I reached forwards and my fingers swept her hair out of her face and put it behind her ear. I brushed against her soft skin. I wanted to keep my fingers against her forever. I was in heaven.

“Don’t hide, Bella.” She looked back up at me, her brown eyes staring at me, boring into me and eating at my soul. I vowed then, I would figure Bella out and I would save her from her ever-consuming fear.

“Well sorry to break up this lovely gathering!” I broke Bella’s gaze to turn and glare at Lauren.

“I’m Lauren.” She walked up to Bella and put her hands tightly on Bella’s shoulders and whispered something to her. I could see Bella trembling. What the fuck had she said to her? When Lauren backed off Bella’s eyes were hollow again. Hollow and empty. My heart broke a million times as I looked at her. She looked so broken. I would fucking kill Lauren.

“Jessica.” I heard Jessica speak but I was too absorbed in Bella to take any notice. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. And then fucking Mike came up to her.

“Hi. I’m Mike.” He put an arm round her and slapped her on the back. All of a sudden Bella jumped back from him, petrified, the fear in her eyes obvious. Why the fuck had he hit her? Was she okay? She looked around the room and her gaze fell on me. She was shaking, and I could see tears in her eyes. Then Mike started walking towards her. Bella backed off but she reached the wall and the look in her eyes tore me apart. She was fucking helpless and broken and Mike was fucking terrifying her. Well he wouldn’t fucking touch her. I stepped in front of her, facing Mike.


“Leave her alone you asshole, can’t you see she’s fucking scared of you?” I spat at him.

“I just wanted to apologise,” he retorted. I shoved him back.

“Well don’t, okay?” I growled. He would not hurt her. He held up his hands and back off. I turned round to face Bella. She was staring at the floor again, her hair hiding her again. I moved till I was right in front of her.

“Bella are you okay?” She looked up at me and nodded.

“Sorry.” Why the fuck was she apologising? I didn’t say anything though. I just tucked her hair behind her ear again so I could see her. When she looked at me, time stood still. All I could see was her and her beautiful eyes. Fuck those eyes. They were going to kill me.

And then she started screaming. Her hands reached for her head.

“Fuck.” I didn’t know what to do. Her body twisted and her knees gave way. I caught her and abruptly she stopped screaming. I looked down at her. Her eyes were closed but she was still breathing.

“Edward put her on the sofa,” Carlisle told me. I placed her down as Esme herded everyone else out. He placed his hand on her forehead.

“Edward she’s scorching. Go get me a cool wet cloth.” I ran out of the room shaking and was back within 10 seconds. I dropped down beside her and stroked her cheek. We waited, the other adults behind us. Come on Bella, wake up. I repeated this in my head, waiting for her eyes to open. 5 minutes later they did. I breathed a sigh of relief as she looked up at us in confusion.

“You fucking scared me, Bella,” I whispered. I continued to stroke her cheek and she smiled slightly at me.

“How do you feel, Bella? What happened?” Carlisle asked her. I helped her sit up properly and watched as her eyes danced back to her previous fear.

BPOV

I looked around the adults waiting for an answer. My gaze wandered back to Edward’s and he smiled slightly. He took my hand and began stroking that with his thumb, instead of my cheek.

“I...I...don’t know. I just felt this pain in my head. It’s gone now.” Carlisle looked at me in confusion.

“Has this happened before?” I nodded.

“Has anything happened to you that could have caused recurring pain? An injury at school? A fall?” I looked into Edward’s eyes and then looked away.

“No.” That was a lie. I knew what had caused this, but I couldn’t tell them. Not now, not ever.

A few months ago, James had come in drunk. He’s come up to my room and thumped my head against the wall 17 times. One for each year, he said. One for each year since I’d ruined his life.

I looked back at Edward. His eyes were narrowed and I looked away quickly. He knew I was lying. He could tell.

“Look, I’m fine! It’s over.” Edward squeezed my hand, and I looked back at him. He smiled at me again, that crooked smile that had nearly brought me to my knees. Suddenly, I felt like I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to so bad. I coughed and looked away quickly but the electricity was still there and I couldn’t get away from it. I looked up. Carlisle was staring weirdly at Edward and Edward was staring back. Okay so they definitely were father and son.

“Edward,” Esme said slowly.

“Why don’t you give Bella a tour while I talk to the others about what just happened?” I reddened, embarrassed that I had to be discussed. I was a head case. Edward smiled widely.

“Sure!” he jumped up and pulled me up. He held me round my waist and for a second we were pressing against each other completely. It seemed he realised it too as he took a breath in quickly. I looked up at him and his eyes were burning. Once again though somebody coughed and we broke apart immediately.

“Come on,” he murmured to me. “Let’s get away before the Spanish Inquisition starts.”

Chapter 1: Crawling

Chapter 1: Crawling

There’s something inside me
That pulls beneath the surface
Consuming,confusing
This lack of self control I feel
Is never-ending, controlling
‘Crawling’ by Linkin Park


I stood in the bathroom, tears streaming down my pale face, holding a knife in my left hand. The light emitted by the dull glow of the bulb above my head bounced off the silver blade, shooting rays of light dancing across the bleak room. My top was on the floor, with cold wet cloths splattered around me. The fresh red cuts stood in stark contrast to the stretched, silver scars and purple and yellow bruises, ever constant reminders of the hell my life had become. She hated me. Well, both of them did. My mother and her boyfriend. I couldn’t call her ‘mother’ though. A mother is supposed to love and cherish you, not beat you up every day. And when he did anything to me, she didn’t stop him. All I had to do was speak, and in a second one of them would be attacking me. They pushed me, hit me and scarred me-deeper than what I could do to myself with my own knife.

But the knife helped. It did. Some people might think I’m strange and crazy doing it, but they’re wrong. I just try to get away. It takes everything away, it really does. Even if it’s just for a second, I know that they aren’t there, waiting in the darkness for me. I could escape with the pain this brings.

The knife bit into my arm, just above my elbow and I didn’t cry out when it snagged against my skin, putting up a little resistance as the knife pushed deeper in. I was used to the pain now. I smiled when the deep crimson blood began to flow freely out of my new wound. I smiled wider as I felt the rush of the dopamine through my body; raising my heart rate and making me shake with adrenaline.

I wasn’t stupid though. I never cut myself below my elbow, never. It was far too dangerous. I didn’t want to kill myself, just get away from it all. The satisfaction flowed through me as the blood dripped onto the dull, white flooring, falling into the cracked patterns the tiles were decorated with. I looked at the cut in weird fascination, proud that I was able to control this one thing. This was why I never wore t-shirts; I couldn’t leave myself bare to the world, showing them what I truly was. No one must ever know my secret. No one would ever understand.

I couldn’t tell anyone even if I had the choice. Bella Marie Swan. The one seventeen year old in the country who didn’t have a soul to turn to. I had no one. No friends, no boyfriend, not one loving, caring person who saw me for what I really was: frightened.

Love is a strange thing. It surrounds most of us all the time. You see it when you walk down the street, you see it in your own house. But I didn’t. I’m not loved. I’ve grown up knowing that fact. It didn’t hurt as much as it used to but I could still feel the pain, gnawing at the inside of my heart, trying to get out. I had to shut it in. I had to stay blank and empty. It’s the only way you can survive if you live a life like mine. I’d wondered what it must feel like, to be loved. I’d read the great love stories and imagined myself in place of the heroines. But it doesn’t bring any satisfaction. When I stepped out of the day dream I always realized the same thing. I am alone. I am not loved. I never will be.

I bent down slowly, trying to avoid stretching my back too much. The painful bruise, courtesy of James, took my breath away if I moved too quickly or turned the wrong way. I picked up one of the cool cloths and held it against the flow of my blood. I pressed the other cloth against my bruise, hoping it would ease the ache I felt there with the slightest move.

How long I waited, I do not know. But after the pain in my back eased and the blood stopped trickling from the small cut, I took the cloths away and washed them out in the sink. The water colored red as the blood that had gathered was released down the drain. I put the knife and both my cloths into the secret compartment I had found at the back of the cupboard. I stood up and slipped the top over my head, my skinny arms covered by the long, black sleeves. I re-tied my long brown hair and stood looking at myself in the mirror.

I knew the reasons I had no friends, why no boys ever asked me out, except when they were dared to. You could see that I had no life in me. My eyes never sparkled like everyone else’s did. They were just there, pointing out that I was dead inside. But it wasn’t me that caused this.

They were the real reason. They’d ruined my life. They terrified me until I was too scared to even ask them something. They thought it was funny. When one hit me, the other would laugh and gloat by their side. Ever since I was 5, when my mother found James, this was what happened. He had changed everything.

The girls in my class thought I had some sort of skin disease because I insisted on getting changed alone, away from the prying eyes and mocking laughs of my schoolmates. I was constantly jumping at the slightest noise. The boys at my school would shoot out at me and try and scare me, just to laugh at how frightened it made me. They didn’t know what they were driving me to do. My eyes filled with tears as I realised, once again, how worthless everyone thought I was. I looked up at the single light bulb hanging from the ceiling, in an attempt to hold back the tears threatening to spill again. Other people didn’t have to go through this. Why me? What had I done that should cause this much pain as revenge? Self pity swallowed me whole. They were right, they always were. I was useless, there wasn’t any point in me being here. I blinked fiercely, forcing the tears to stay in my eyes. I had cried enough. I grabbed the sink and squeezed tight. I took a deep breath and managed to gain control of myself somewhat. I looked in the mirror; nobody would know what had just happened.

I wiped away the tears and pressed my ear against the door. There was no noise from behind it. It meant I could safely escape to the freedom of my room. I unlocked the door and ran across the hallway to my room, shutting the door quietly. I turned around and yelped with fright, my body reacting immediately, shaking slightly in fear. My mother was on the bed. This wasn’t good.

“What are you doing, Mom?” I hated calling her ‘mom’; it was a sign of affection. It was wrong to use it. I wished with all my might I was brave enough to call her Victoria, but I knew that would bring a punishment, one I didn’t want to face.

“Sitting waiting for you, you little bitch. And don’t you dare talk to me like that, it’s my house and I’ll do what I want, okay? Next time, I won’t warn you!” I nodded.

“Why were you waiting?” I whispered. I didn’t want to know the answer. Had I done something wrong again? I noticed two large cases on the floor. “And why are the suitcases there?” My mind came up blank at this point. Victoria smiled evilly, her smile reaching her scarily, glinting eyes and making me even more terrified.

“I want you to have everything you own packed. You are leaving tomorrow.” What? Were they chucking me out onto the street? My eyes widened and Victoria’s face lit up at my discomfort.

“Where am I going? Mom, what are you doing?” Even I could hear the terror in my voice. I would get punished later for being so scared of her.

“You’re going away.” Still the evil, glinting smile. What the hell was happening?

“Mom, please tell me where I’m going!” I said, absolutely terrified. She stood up, towering over me and her voice boomed, seeming to echo around the room.

“You’re going to a care home, you stupid, ignorant girl! You should be glad we’re not throwing you out!” She brought her hand up and swiped at me. Her hand connected with my cheek making a sharp crack and I cried out, falling backwards against the wall besides the door and bringing my arms up to protect myself from anymore hits. Victoria came towards me and swung the door open to smash into me, the handle sinking straight into my ribs. She slammed the door again and then she was gone.

I walked over to my bed and sank onto it, yet more tears filling my eyes. I curled my knees to my chest, hoping that would keep the hole in my chest together. The information was still sinking in. I knew they had always hated me, but now they didn’t want me. I had always assumed this would be my life forever. I had a routine: school, a fight, a cut, probably another fight, bed. It was a horrible routine but it was there. And she had kept me. Maybe I’d been hoping that part of her had wanted me, seeing as she still kept me, seeing that she hadn’t given me away. But she was doing that now. No doubt James had given her the idea. Oh god, I was stupid. I was a naïve little cow. To think she might have wanted me. Me! No one could want me. At least I was getting away though. I had that tiny bit of hope that where I went would be good, that I might be loved. That I could finally get away from the abuse.

So I packed. Everything. Everything I had.

And the knife.

Just in case.

I looked at my watch. It was 7 o’clock and I guessed I wasn’t getting tea but I went downstairs anyway, just to try. Victoria looked up as I walked in. She pointed to a lump of bread on the counter and I went and took it, nibbling at the edge. It was stale.

“James is coming over tonight so I want you to stay upstairs all evening, do you understand?” I never came downstairs anyway. And I would never come down by choice when he was here. He scared me almost as much as Victoria. I nodded and left the room, going to back up to my room. I ate the bread quickly. Now there was nothing to do. I had no books, they were all packed; books were the one thing that Victoria had allowed me to have.

I got ready for bed and lay down staring at the blank wall across from me, trying to ignore the pain that was pushing at my boundaries. I curled up, wrapping my arms around my body and eventually fell into a restless sleep.

****

“WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?” I looked bleary eyed at my clock. 3:16 AM. Great, her boyfriend was here. James crashed into something. I heard it hit the floor with a loud thump. He was drunk.

“Calm down, woman! I was just down the pub!” He was slurring his words and I heard another crash as he banged into something else downstairs.

“IT’S 3:16! YOU’VE BEEN THERE ALL NIGHT! I MADE YOU DINNER, YOU UNGRATEFUL COW!”

“WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED IF I WOULD BE HERE SOONER!” Another crash. Then footsteps came storming up the stairs. A door slammed at the other end of the corridor. Maybe now I could get some sleep. James would stay downstairs and sleep on the couch. I closed my eyes again but they shot open when my door creaked open. The room was in almost pitch darkness yet I could just make out a silhouette in the doorway, standing there, watching me. I could smell alcohol in the air. It was James. I trembled slightly in fear, my breath hitching as I inhaled. What was he going to do? If I was lucky I might get away with a couple of bruises. If not, a broken bone looked likely. James was always worse when he was drunk. He staggered through the doorway, shutting the door behind him.

“Belllllllaaa? You awake?” he slurred, creeping eerily through the darkness to my bed. My eyes were adjusting to the darkness now and I could see him stalking across the room. He flung back the covers as I lay shaking in fear. He looked down at me with something foreign in his eyes.

“You know, you’re a beautiful girl.” No, please no. He couldn’t be! He trailed a hand across my cheek and down my body, to the hem of my top. No, no!

“J...James, please! Don’t do this!” He growled at me before he heaved himself on top of me.

“I know you want this. All the time, you look at me with need. You’re so beautiful. You’re always calling to me, every moment of every day. I know you want it.” His hand slid under my top and I trembled at his touch.

“Please, don’t!” The tears were running down my cheeks. He grabbed the sides of my top and ripped it off me. I whimpered and tried to get away from him but his grip was too tight.

“Don’t try to run, Bella. Or I’ll make this worse.” I cried out and he hit me sharply.

“Do not talk, Bella.” So I just lay there while he did it, trying not to think. It seemed to happen in flashes. His mouth was on mine, forcing his tongue down my throat as I tried not to wretch in disgust; his hands were on my breasts, squeezing them hard, making me bite my lip to stop from crying out with pain; he was stripping me down, making me strip him too, with shaking hands. And then he did it. He forced himself into me, causing me to cry out as the pain level grew to the extreme as he invaded my body, thrusting in hard, gripping my hips and forcing me around like a rag doll. I closed my eyes and cried, trying to wish it all away. Somehow, I was watching it from elsewhere. A tiny girl, with a brute of a man on top of her, was crying. The girl was silent though, as if her tears had been drawn on with white crayon. The light zigzagging across her face and the man’s animalistic grunts made it seem like a horror scene. I suppose it was. Slowly, I felt myself being drawn back to the girl and when I opened my eyes, I once again could see him on top of me. I let out a strangled cry, as much as I could manage before he clamped a rough hand down over my mouth.

When he finished he collapsed beside me. I tried to get as far away from him as possible but he pulled me closer. I tried to hit him, anything to get away from the disgusting monster in front of me. I was numb, not comprehending what had just happened. I just knew I had to get away from him before he did something else. Suddenly he fell out of the bed and lay on the floor, out cold. Isn’t it ironic that my rescue came in the form of alcohol, just like it began? I curled myself in a ball, my fingers scratching at my face, trying to force the pain away. My endurance was over and it wasn’t long until I fell into a sleep full of nightmares.

****

I was woken up by the sound of a loud crash. Victoria stood in the doorway, glaring at me with all her might. James was still lying naked on the floor. I wrapped the covers around me tighter, desperate to get a bigger barrier between everyone and me. Never had I thought that he would do that. I knew he was bad and horrible, but what he did was beyond my imagination. My mind flashed through what I remembered of last night and I curled up even further away from the creature on the floor, my mind warped with what he had done.

“You bitch,” Victoria said so quietly I almost didn’t hear her. Was she being serious! Her boyfriend had just raped me! I started crying, loud, rasping sobs.

“But...b...but he...he...r...raped me!”

“YOU LIAR!” She threw something at me and it hit my head. “YOU FUCKING LIAR! YOU SLEPT WITH HIM! YOU BITCH! YOU’VE TAKEN EVERYTHING FROM ME, YOU FUCKING WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT! GET FUCKING DRESSED THEN GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!”

“Please! He raped me!” She just slammed my door. Sobbing uselessly, I got up, stepping over the horrific reminder of last night on the floor. I got dressed quickly, my mind reeling. How could she think I slept with him willingly? Did she not see how distraught I was? Her words bore into me, eating away at me like little flies, desperate to break Bella down to a small shell of a person. They had succeeded.

James stirred on the floor. I backed into the corner, terrified he would do something to me again. My body was sore all over from him and I felt so dirty. I was covered in the stench of him, like a whore. The alcohol mixed with sweat and a faint odour of semen made me gag when I took a breath. My body shook at the memory of him entering me and the pain it brought to me. He looked up at me, smiling wickedly while I crouched in the corner away from him. He pulled on his clothes that lay strewn on the floor from last night. They still smelt of alcohol. He nodded at me to go to the door ahead of him. I sneaked along the wall to the door, not wanting him out of sight for fear he might attack me from behind. I saw him pick up the suitcases and I quickly went down the stairs, my arms wrapped around my body, holding myself together.

You’re getting away from here, you’re getting away from here.

I kept repeating this in my mind, the thought giving me hope. Victoria didn’t say anything to me, just glared, and appeared to be trying not to throw something at me.

“Get to the car,” she growled at me. As I went to the door, James swung the suitcases round and they hit me. I fell to the floor, the wind knocked out of me. Victoria stepped over me and went to the car. James, though, he helped me up. He ran his hand along the back of my thigh and over the slit between my legs. I started shaking again. Not again, please not again.

“Please. Don’t do it!” He looked at me and I took my chance and turned and ran to the car. I stepped in, sweating and still shaking after the encounter with James.

You’re getting away from here, you’re getting away from here.

I repeated my mantra over and over on the drive to the airport. I sat hunched up on the seat. No one spoke a word to me. James shot dirty wink after dirty wink at me through the mirror and I cringed every time and eventually closed my eyes, desperate to get away from them both. But when I closed my eyes, all I could see were flashes from last night. I couldn’t get away from it. Everywhere I turned it was there, waiting to terrify me and hurt me.

I looked at the gate we went to. It read Seattle. I was going to Seattle? That was miles away, I thought numbly. I lived in Phoenix.

James sat next to me on the plane. I started shaking as soon as I smelt him near me. He rested his hand on my thigh and I whimpered. His dark eyes glared at me and I got the sudden urge to cry out. Someone would hear me and they couldn’t do anything about it! James must have seen something in my eyes though. He released me and turned to talk to Victoria. I was left alone for the journey. Left alone with the dark memories that jumped along the edges of my vision. Every so often one of them would break through. My own personal horror movie. I wanted to die. I wanted to die so much then but I wanted something more than that. Just one thing, is that too much to ask for? Please, someone, give me a reason to live.