Chapter 4: Last Night

You come to me with scars on your wrist
You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this
I just came to say goodbye
I didn't want you to see me cry, I'm fine
But I know it's a lie.

This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be.
The last night you'll spend alone,
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go,
I'm everything you need me to be.
‘Last Night’ by Skillet

EPOV

I woke up from my dream of Bella to the cutest, most adorable sound in the world. Holy shit. I, Edward Cullen, just said the words ‘cute’ and ‘adorable’. Soon I’ll be growing a fucking vagina. I listened carefully to the footsteps I knew were Bella, going past my room. When I heard a door shut, I jumped out of bed and went to lean against the wall opposite the bathroom. I told myself I just wanted to shower before a line started to form but honestly, I just wanted to see Bella. This girl had turned me into a completely different person. And I’d known her for one fucking day.

I’d spent all night dreaming of Bella Swan. Her long, sweet-smelling hair, her full, dark lips, her gorgeous, deep eyes. Her fucking eyes. I swore that every minute of every shitty day would be spent getting those eyes to sparkle. She was unfuckingbelievable. She was everything I needed. I was blinded by her. Blinded by the most precious person that ever has walked this earth. Christ, I really sounded like a fucking girl.

But then she was there. And every coherent thought just flew from my brainwashed head. She was there in a towel. Just. A. Fucking. Towel. Shit, and you could almost see everything from where it stopped on her long, pale legs. Oh Jesus, they went on forever. Her skin was so creamy and her hair was dripping water down her whole body. I lifted my eyes to her face and she was staring at the ground. Again. But her cheeks were red, she was blushing furiously. Was my gaze really that suggestive? I smirked as she raised her eyes to mine.

“Sleep well?” She blushed at my words and looked away.

“It was okay.” God she was sexy when she was nervous.

“May I ask what was with the squeak?” I raised an eyebrow at her and gave her the smile that seemed to affect her so much. It must have been my lucky day, as she blushed and looked away from me again.

“You heard me?”

I nodded at her and she groaned. Fuck, wouldn’t I want to hear that noise when I was kissing her.

Jesus Christ, Cullen. She’s fucking scared of everyone. You can’t. Ever. Be a fucking friend and not just a dick.


“I...uh...tripped.” That brought me back to the conversation. I felt my mouth twitch as I tried not to laugh. She was clumsy. She had tripped so often yesterday.

“You do that a lot?” I asked, knowing the answer. She looked at me and narrowed her eyes. She looked beautiful when she was angry.

“Yes. What’s it to you?” she asked me. I walked up to her, keeping my eyes locked to hers. She started breathing erratically and I hoped it wasn’t from fear. Please, don’t let it be from fucking fear.

“Next time, I’ll catch you,” I whispered in her ear. I blew against her ear, and she shivered. I resisted the urge to kiss her on the neck, instead, moving back slightly, I smirked at her again. She blushed again and I tried not to grin too wide at how I was affecting her. If only she knew what she did to me.

As she turned away something on her arm sparkled in the light. I frowned slightly and focused my eyes on her arm. And then I saw them all. Loads and loads of well placed, glittering little scars over her arm. I reached out and gently took hold of her and as she turned back to me, her face grew pale. I ran my fingers over the hundreds of pretty little patterns that decorated her arms. A decoration of hurt. What the fuck had happened to her? Did she do this? Or did someone else do this? I tried to control my emotions as visions of someone else hurting this angel went through my head.

“What happened to you Bella?” I whispered, afraid that if I tried to speak properly I would yell to the world in desperate pain. Pain that came from Bella, that she had lived through this torture. Bella didn’t look at me, so I lifted her chin so that I could see her eyes. The pain behind them was clear. The mask she put on was down and she had bared her soul. These cuts were a part of her. They told a story and fuck me if I wasn’t going to find out what that story was.

“Bella, who the fuck did this to you?” I said through clenched teeth, my anger at this horror still simmering at full heat beneath the surface. Bella looked frightened once again at my questioning. She wrenched her arm from mine and backed away, once again hiding beneath her dark shield of terror.

“I did this to me,” she said. My mind stopped and it was hard to even comprehend the figure in front of me. I looked at her in shock and the pain in her eyes brought me back to the surface. What had made her do this? “Don’t tell a soul,” she pleaded desperately, before turning and running back to her room. Stunned beyond comprehension, I staggered into the bathroom and sat on the floor.

Bella, self harmed? Bella? Self-fucking-harmed? Why would she do this? What could have driven her to this? She needed help. But how the hell could she get help? I couldn’t tell anyone. Not after seeing her break to pieces in front of me when she asked me not to tell. She had broken down when I saw them. She didn’t want anyone to know, and how could I refuse her? I would keep her secret and I would fucking save Bella Swan. I would make her better. I would make her smile again. This girl had changed me. I wanted to help her. I wanted her to smile at me. I wanted everything to do with her. Bella fucking Swan was my life now. She was everything to me. She was different and in so much pain. No one, ever, should be so hurt. Bella Swan needed me, and I would be there until she told me to go. Because, I tell you what, I liked Bella Swan; I liked her way more than I should and I would do anything to make her happy.

I stood up, my resolve strong and showered quickly, desperate to reassure the angel that had been brought to me. When I stepped out I noticed she had left her things behind. I shrugged and wrapped my towel around my hips. I picked up her stuff and made my way along to her room. Of course, Alice had already ambushed her. My dear sister opened the door, looking me up and down and sneered in disgust. I saw Bella turn around and I swear she stopped breathing. Of course, she blushed and swung her head around faster than I believed possible.

“Bella left her stuff in the bathroom.” I handed the stuff to Alice and noticed that Bella had turned around again and was openly admiring me. I smirked and Alice glared at me before slamming the door in my face. I chuckled softly and walked to my room, thankfully managing to miss my usual morning attack from Lauren. For the first time in a while I thought about what I would wear. Ten minutes later I was struggling and I was tempted to call on Alice. As soon as that thought went through my mind I quickly just threw on a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. Wanting help from Alice was like asking for free torture. I stood by my door and listened. Then, 20 minutes later I heard Bella and Alice walk down the stairs. I followed closely behind and then the inevitable happened. As she was walking into the dining room, Bella caught her foot on something and began to fall. I ran forward and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her against me.

“Told you I would catch you,” I whispered to her. I helped her stand up, but I couldn’t release her. I kept my arms around her, spreading my fingers across her stomach and relishing in the feel of holding her.

“How often exactly do you fall?”I whispered to her, leaning my head forward so I could speak into her ear.

“A lot,” she admitted and I tried not to laugh.

“Sounds like I’m going to have my work cut out for me.” When I finished speaking I couldn’t help but keep my lips against her soft skin. I smiled against it and she laughed quietly. All of a sudden she broke away from me and slithered across the room to Alice, head down, hair across her face. I frowned at Alice who just shrugged and made a half-hearted gesture to everyone else. Then I realized. They were all watching. Emmett and Jasper were shocked and staring at me in disbelief. I felt Carlisle and Esme’s reproving frowns on my back and I turned to them and tried not to glare too much. Did they actually think I would fucking hurt her? If so, they were sadly mistaken. I turned back around to see Bella struggling with the coffee machine and somehow I managed to get across the room without running like a lunatic to help her.

“Let me,” I said when I was a step behind her. I took the mug from her grasp and worked it quickly. I glanced sideways at Bella who was blushing again. Does she ever not though? Looking at her just heightened all my feelings for her. I noticed her long sleeves and it brought back my previous decision.

“I won’t tell,” I said quietly. I saw her eyes widen but she refused to look at me.

“Thank you,” she whispered. I didn’t want to badger her so I kept quiet. Once I’d finished I began to move away but then something popped into my head. Christ, why didn’t I think of it sooner?

“Would you like to sit next to me?” She nodded and turned to me, smiling widely. Her eyes were fucking sparkling. Well fuck me. I, Edward Cullen, had made Isabella Swan smile. I smiled back at her, a genuine smile, one of the only a few genuine smiles in the past couple of years. Unable to keep my hands off her, I put my hand on the small of my back and led her to our part of the table.

“So, Bella, I see you’ve been ‘Aliced’,” Jasper said while Emmett laughed loudly. Christ, it was like a fucking earthquake when he shook like that.

“Poor you!” Emmett, rather stupidly, said. Two seconds later, the slam of a plate indicated Alice’s arrival.

“I’m not that bad. And she enjoyed it, didn’t you, Bella?” Alice pouted at Bella and Bella seemed to be struggling not to laugh.

“Sure I enjoyed it, Alice.” I burst into laughter at the fakeness of her words and everyone else joined in. I handed Bella some toast and watched her as she ate. Everything she did was beautiful. I gazed at her in wonder and when she abruptly stopped eating, I frowned. My eyes narrowed when I saw her glance across the table then look back down, hiding her face with her hair. I looked up and saw Lauren sitting smugly. She winked at me and I tried not to gag. I instead leaned in to Bella.

“Bella, please don’t hide,” I told her. I brushed her hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. She looked up at me, trying to tell me her story through her eyes. But the only thing I saw was loss. And fucking hell, she would never lose me. I was here for eternity, if she’d have me. I finally had something to live for.

I saw her tell me how scared she was. That she was broken. But it didn’t matter to me. I still couldn’t leave. I didn’t want to.

“I’m not going anywhere Bella,” I told her. I brought my hand back up and brushed my fingers gently along her cheek. Fuck. Bad idea. Now that I had touched her again I didn’t want to stop. My heart was beating faster and faster, and it took everything I had not to just kiss her right then and there. She inhaled sharply when I touched her and I couldn’t break away from our intense stare. We were slowly getting closer and closer. I couldn’t think of anything else, except the sweet smell of her. Her eyes were wide and her breathing was shallow.

Then, someone’s chair scraped across the floor. I jumped slightly and the intense emotions I had been feeling ended as I turned to see Lauren glaring at us both. Jessica and Mike stood up too and they walked out, but not before Mike winked at Bella. I glared at him, my hands clenching at my sides. He was a sick fucking pervert and he’d never get near enough to touch Bella if I had any say in the matter. When I looked around again everyone was still staring at us and there was an awkward silence until Esme spoke up.

“Bella, are you ready to go, dear?” Bella nodded and stood up immediately and my heart twisted slightly as she moved away. Alice had also jumped up and was dragging Bella to the door. I half rose out of my seat to help her but sat back down. Alice wouldn’t hurt her. When Bella got to the door she turned back around.

“Help?”And that one little word had me in stitches again. Bella really was the most extraordinary person I had ever met.

“So, Edward?” I was knocked out of my daydream by Jasper, smirking at me.

“You like her! You want to hug her! You want to kiss her!” Emmett sang as he started dancing like some giant bear around the kitchen.

“Emmett, shut up before I hit you,” I said through clenched teeth. Emmett just laughed while Jasper looked at me thoughtfully.

“You really like her don’t you?” he asked, hitting the nail right on the head, as usual. I sighed.

“Yes I do.”

“You know, the heat from you two...wow.” I smirked at Jasper’s words. It was pretty amazing. I thought of the way we had looked at each other. It was like no one was there but her. She was my life.

“You’re doing it again, Edward.” I looked at Jasper, confused.

“Doing what?”

“The whole dreaming of Bella thing. Looking away into the distance.”

“Getting gooey eyes.”

“Bella! My love!”

“Oh for goodness sake! Grow up!” Rosalie stood up and stormed out of the room.

“Emmett, for fuck’s sake, what’s wrong with her? Why does she hate Bella?” How someone could hate her was beyond me.

“She’s just struggling with how Bella was accepted so easily by you. It took her months until you would even say hi to her.” I cringed at the memory. Rosalie and I had not gotten along well back then.

“I’ll go talk to her about it.” This was not a conversation I wanted to be involved in. I stood up, ignoring the whistles from Jasper and Emmett. Dickheads. I went quickly to Rose’s room, wanting to clear the air as soon as possible. I knocked on her door and Rose said to come in.

“Oh. It’s you.” She lay back down on her bed, ignoring me.

“Rose, I want to apologise.” She didn’t say anything. “When you arrived here I was horrible and I am really sorry for it. I know that me accepting Bella so quickly hurts you and I’m sorry. But please don’t hate Bella because of that, hate me.”

“Bella, Bella, Bella. Is that all it’s going to be from now on?”

“Rose, it’s like with you and Emmett. Once someone like that comes into your life, you can’t let them go. She’s amazing Rose, she’s so different and so unbelievably special. She’s had a hard life and I will do anything to keep her from getting hurt. You’ve seen yourself how scared she gets sometimes. I need to help her- or at least try. Please believe me, Rose. I don’t like hurting you, you’re like my sister! But I need to help Bella and if that means asking you to stay away from her, then I will. Please just give her a chance, Rose. You’d love her.” She sat up and looked at me. We stared at each other for what felt like hours and Rose eventually backed down.

“Fine. I’m sorry, Edward. I know how special she is to you. I can see it when you look at her. I’ll give her a chance. I know what it’s like to have a hard life then have someone hating you from the moment you think your life got better.”

“You don’t know how sorry I am for behaving like that when you came here.” I walked over to her and hugged her.

“I’m sorry too. Maybe I’ll save Bella from Alice!” I released her and laughed. I sat on the floor and we were silent for a while. It was comfortable though. Rose and Bella would get along well. They’d both had a hard life and would be good for each other.

Soon after, Jasper and Emmett ran into the room and I quickly tuned out the make out session on the bed and Jasper’s long winded reasons of why Alice was amazing. Carlisle brought us lunch in the room, thankfully, and I was able to avoid Lauren for longer. After this morning I couldn’t promise that I wouldn’t start yelling at her. What had she done to Bella?

“Edward? Edward? EDWARD!” I jumped out of daze and looked around. Rosalie was shaking her head at me.

“Could you please go get some drinks? You haven’t moved from there all day.” I frowned.

“What time is it?”

“It’s about half past three.” Wow, time really had flown today. I stood up and went down quickly to the kitchen. I met Esme in the hallway on the way back and that’s how I knew she was back. I ran up the stairs and I started grinning like a fucking asshole when I saw her standing in the doorway to Rosalie’s room.

“Bella!” She turned around and when she saw me moved out of the way. I dumped the cans on the bed and nodded my head to get her to come after me. She sat down next to me and I don’t know what the hell came over me. I reached out and pulled her onto my lap. Fuck. I was as shocked as she was.

“It’s more comfy,” I quickly said, hoping she wouldn’t think I was too forward. Fuck Edward, ruin it when nothing has even started. She was stiff for a moment but then she leaned her head on my shoulder and I swear she started smelling me. I smiled at the thought of her doing the same as did. I lifted my hands up and ran them through her hair. I was completely absorbed in her, so much so, that I did not notice the fact that the others were talking about us. Hours later it seemed Bella jumped up suddenly. I think I heard her say, ‘toilet’, before she was out the room. Jasper wolf whistled at me and I rolled my eyes.

“Edward, she’s so into you. Did you see her? She was almost asleep on you!” Alice was squealing in the corner and I tried not to laugh. Inside, I was hoping that Alice was right. I wanted Bella to like me.

“And anyway, we were talking about you today. She said she likes you.” Now that made me sit up.

“Really?” My eyes were wide and I was across the room next to Alice in a second. Emmett burst out laughing.

“That’s the fastest I’ve ever seen you move!” he exclaimed. I glared at him and turned back to Alice but then the sound came. It was high pitched and painful. And so ‘Bella’.

“Bella,” I whispered before sprinting out of the room. Bella was against the wall, Mike across from her, and she was screaming. When she stopped she looked around, but seemed terrified at what she saw. I looked at her and walked forward but she shrank back. I couldn’t stop the hurt that spread through my body. She thought I would hurt her? She ran past me and into her room. I started shaking with anger and my vision turned red with anger. What did he do? I turned to Mike and yelled at him.

“What the fuck did you do to her?” I was angrier than I’d ever been. I was struggling to keep my fists to myself. I repeated myself as I began walking towards him. He backed off slightly.

“JUST FUCKING TELL ME!”

“I...kissed her.” And then I broke. I started punching every inch of him that I could see. I wanted to make him pay. The fucking bastard. What the fuck was he thinking? Did he know how fucking scared she was of him?

“Edward! Edward!” Jasper and Emmett grabbed hold of me and pulled me off of Mike, who was now covered in so much blood that I didn’t know where it was coming from. I fought against them but they held me.

“Edward, Bella needs you now.” Bella. Bella! FUCK! She was going to cut herself. I fucking knew it. I ran into her room, slamming the door closed behind me. I was right. She had fucking blood running, no not running, fucking flowing from her arm. It ran down the pale skin and began dripping onto the floor. It made red swirls against the pale skin of her arm. Through the screen of redness I saw something dark purple and yellow; bruises. They decorated her body just as much as the scars decorated her arms. I walked towards her slowly, my heart breaking with every step. My eyes were fixed on the blood, always, trailing from the cut.

As I walked forwards, Bella moved backward slightly but she didn’t get very far.

“Drop the knife please, Bella.” I grasped her hand with the knife in it and just stared into her eyes, trying to convey how much I cared about her, that she didn’t need to do this. She gasped but dropped the knife. She seemed to fall over but I caught her and I took her top from the bed and quickly wiped the blood from her arm and held the top against the cut to stop the never-ending stream of blood. I kept looking at her, and I saw the terror that was still present in her eyes. Mike would fucking pay for this.

“Bella, I’m here. You’re safe. No one is going to hurt you.” They’d have to get past me, and from now on, Bella wasn’t getting out of my fucking sight.

Then she seemed to start to struggle. Her eyes kept flickering and you could see the pain dancing in them. Her face would crease in pain every couple of seconds and she was starting to shake very slightly in my arms.

“Edward?” Her voice was hoarse and fuck, it shot right down my spine.

“What?” Whatever she said, I would make it better. When she didn’t answer me I asked again.

“What is it, Bella?”I whispered.

“Edward.” She started groaning and her face crinkled in pain, her mouth forming a grimace that was both heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time.

“EDWARD!” she yelled and then her head fell backwards in my arms, her eyes closed and her body limp in my arms.

“Bella? Bella?” Oh fuck, what’s happened? Has she just fucking fainted? My brain started panicking. I tied the top around her arm to try and stop the bleeding. I laid her on the bed and put a jumper on over her head. I looked down at my blood stained hands, luckily the blood didn’t show up much on my black t-shirt but my hands were dark. I wiped them on my top and kicked the knife under the bed as an afterthought and moved a rug over the red stains on the carpet. I breathed a sigh of relief at my quick thinking.
“Carlisle! QUICK!” My voice broke and now my own terror at losing her broke to the surface. He ran into the room, evidently having been waiting on the other side of the door.

“I think she fainted again. Can you make sure she’s okay? Please! Bella?” I took her hand and crouched down at the side of the bed and stared at her blank face.

“Edward, once again, go and get me a cloth or something else that’s cold. Before you go, did she bump her head on anything when she fainted?”

“No, I caught her.” He looked at me, an unfathomable expression on his face. I ignored it and ran out of the room and into the bathroom just down the hall. I tossed it to Carlisle and took my position beside her again. He placed it against her forehead and began checking to make sure her airways were clear. He tapped her face slightly and Bella stirred.

“Bella!” Her eyes slowly opened again and they searched around the room. They found me and an unspeakable question filled her mouth.

“Do they...do they...?” I knew what she wanted answered. I leant forward and whispered in her ear.

“No they don’t know.” And the fucking relief on her face made me elated inside. I knew I should tell someone, but to see her so happy and pleased, I couldn’t take that away.

“Edward, Esme and I would like to have a word alone with Bella. Could you please go get Esme?” I didn’t move but looked at Bella. She was now holding onto my hand for dear life, terrified to let go. That made my resolve sound. I was not moving.

“Edward, now.” Carlisle’s stern voice countered my own and I glared up at him.

“I’m not leaving her.”

“Edward, you are already in enough trouble, do not get in anymore.” Ah yes, Mike. Well he can go fuck himself. He deserved whatever shit he got.

“Edward, leave NOW!” Bella looked desperately at me but I pried my fingers from hers and walked to the door, not taking my eyes off her once. She was now visibly shaking. I walked out the door, meeting an army of people.

“Esme, Carlisle wants you to go in.” I pointed to the room and then sank down onto the floor outside her room. I would be in there if I heard so much as one fucking cry.

“What happened, Edward?” Alice knelt down beside me and placed a hand over mine.

“She was in hysterics because of him. And then she fainted. That’s why she screamed my name. She was screaming in pain. And I couldn’t do anything.” My voice broke again and I brought my hand from Alice and punched the floor, wishing it was Mike’s fucking face. Alice wrapped her tiny body around me and I held onto to her for dear life. My body started shaking with dry sobs, sobs I didn’t even know where they came from. Fuck, I was really embarrassing myself here.

“Mike’s in a pretty bad state. Carlisle was fixing him up when we heard Bella scream your name. So he ran back up here,” Emmett told me. I didn’t want to know about fucking Mike. He was a dickhead and if he ever came near Bella again I would fucking kill him.

“I hope he fucking dies.” Alice leaned back and looked at me, her eyebrows raised. She didn’t fucking believe me. “Alice, for fuck’s sake did you hear what he did to her? He fucking sexually assaulted her!” She sighed and smiled sympathetically at me before leaving me to my anger. But then I heard her. Bella was sobbing.

“No, please! Where’s Edward?” And then Carlisle’s voice spoke to her.

“You can speak to him in a minute. Now can you please tell me what happened?”

“Edward, please.” I could imagine her shaking, holding her hands in her head. She fucking needed me and that dickhead wasn’t going to let me see her, even after he had spoken to her. It was doctors like him that made Bella feel so fucking terrified and alone. I stood up.

“Edward, you shouldn’t go in there.” Alice looked up at me, tiny when I was standing.

“Alice, they’re not going to let me fucking see her. And she needs me! You can hear her crying! Because I’m not there! She is everything to me, and I will not let some motherfucker who thinks he knows everything mess with her when I know I could do something.” I heard another louder sob come from Bella’s room and was in there immediately.

“Bella!” She looked up, her pale cheeks streaked with tears and she stared at me as if she was imagining me, as if I was a ghost.

“Edward?” I ignored Carlisle and Esme’s orders not to go near her and made my way to her until I was sitting next to her on the bed.

“Edward!” She suddenly assessed that it was actually me and then to my surprise, she threw her arms around my neck and began sobbing into my neck.

“Edward! They were everywhere. Everywhere I looked. They were there. And then my head. It got so sore. And you were there and you made it better, but then it all went black and I could still see them. They follow me Edward, they’re everywhere.” She sobbed non-stop into my t-shirt and I wrapped my arms around and laid us down on the bed.

“Shhhh Bella, it’s okay.” I rubbed her back soothingly and she began to still.

They won’t hurt you. I won’t let anyone else hurt you, ever Bella. You’re safe. Shhhh.” I repeated this mantra over and over until she was quiet. By then I noticed that Carlisle and Esme had left the room. Good. I continued rubbing her back and listened as she gradually fell into a deep sleep. I stayed with her; I couldn’t bear to leave her. What if she woke up screaming? I would stay here and I would save her from her demons. I buried my face in Bella’s strawberry smelling hair and soon I too was deep asleep.


A/N: Thank you to my beta’s thedarknessofthemoon, Primrose Hill and Veespa. Thank you for reading. Please leave a review!